Is Divorce Allowed?

Posted on by korgrocker

“But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. … (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)”
1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 15 NLT

On the one hand, Paul received a command from the Lord that neither a husband nor a wife should leave their spouse. But then there seems to be some grounds for divorce in certain circumstances. Jesus said, “But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). The prophet Malachi also had some Spirit-driven words about divorce, ““For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife”” (Malachi 2:16). 

The Roman Catholic point of view is very strict when it comes to matters of divorce. A quotation from the Catholic Answers website: “Divorce that “claims to break the marital contract” is never morally allowed. In fact, note that divorce only claims to break marriage but cannot achieve it” … “there is no such thing as a spouse “breaking” the marriage bond or contract. It is immoral to attempt, and a grave sin for the one who has that intent”. However, the Catholics will allow what they refer to as a “civil divorce” to protect the legal interests of an injured party and any children resulting from the marriage, but as long as this course of action is not intended to annul the marriage. 

The Anglican viewpoint on divorce is similar but is less dogmatic when it comes to the situation regarding the remarriage of divorcees. Quote from anglican.org, “Without compromising its teaching that Christian marriage is ‘in its nature’ lifelong, the Church of England has, after much debate, now accepted that, sad as this is, marriages can break down. It has been further accepted that, even for clergy (including bishops), a further marriage can be possible, and can be solemnised in church, where a former spouse is still living – providing that an enquiry has been made into the circumstances surrounding the ending of the first marriage and the inception and coming to fruition of the subsequent relationship. They reflect the Church of England’s emerging view that where a marriage has failed, a fresh start is possible. In part (and perhaps in origin) this development came in response to the reality of civil divorce; one party may, as a point of fact, cause a marriage to end in law, even against the wishes of the other”.

The Elim Movement’s position on the breakdown of marriage is Biblically based; the following is from their “Statement of Beliefs”: “Marriage can only be broken by marital unfaithfulness involving adultery, homosexuality, or incest. While the Scriptures give evidence that the marriage vow and “one-flesh” union are broken by such acts and therefore recognize the breaking of the marriage relationship, the Scriptures do recommend that the most desirable option would be reconciliation”. Regarding divorce, the same Statement reads, “We, therefore, discourage divorce by all lawful means and teaching.  Our objective is reconciliation and the healing of the marital union wherever possible. Marital unfaithfulness should not be considered so much an occasion or opportunity for divorce but rather an opportunity for Christian grace, forgiveness, and restoration. Divorce in our society is the termination of a marriage through a legal process authorised by the State.  While the Church recognises this legal process as an appropriate means to facilitate the permanent separation of spouses, the Church restricts the idea of divorce, in the sense of dissolution of marriage, to reasons specified in Scripture”.  

Across our denominations today, it seems that marriage and divorce are topics that are treated very seriously. However, for the Corinthian church, Paul added an extra possibility regarding the annulment of a marriage, specifically for couples who were unequally yoked. That is, one spouse was a believer and the other an unbeliever. This was to address the specific situation that had occurred when the congregation there was considering celibacy and holiness in their marriages. In this context, he wrote, “If the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go“. However, this is less applicable to married couples today.

As we pilgrims know, the secular society in which we live accepts marriage, but without taking the vows too seriously. Divorce is treated by unbelievers as one of those things, and a better option than having to make the effort to make the marriage work. Many couples today decide that cohabiting is the best option, and that has become a social norm, sadly. But holding fast to the Biblical stand on marriage is something that we do, and we find that it drives another wedge between the two kingdoms, the kingdom of the world and the Kingdom of Heaven. When it comes to relations between believers, whether in marriage or not, the standards of love, acceptance and grace set a very high bar, unthinkable to our secular friends. But then we pause, setting aside all our prejudices and legalisms, and remembering instead all that Jesus has done for us. Those in any sort of Godly relationship, marriage or not, will have difficulties at times, but through Jesus and His Spirit, we are more than conquerors, with the strength to be overcomers. 1 John 5:4-5, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God”. We are not in a position without hope, as our unbelieving friends are. Through our faith in the King of kings and Lord of lords, we have a fantastic future and the means to defeat the enemy who comes to steal and destroy. The devil’s hold over our marriages has been broken.

Dear Father God. Thank You for our spouses and our friends. Please help us to take the fragrance of Jesus into all our relationships, this day and every day. Amen.

God’s Counsel

Posted on by korgrocker

“So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.”
1 Corinthians 7:8-11 NLT

There are responsibilities in being married. For married people, the Scriptures provide the clear principle “once married, always married”. One thing the Anglicans have got right (in my opinion) is the text of the vows used by the applicants in a marriage ceremony, “I, (name), take you, (name) to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow“. The implication of Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians was very clearly about “till death us do part”, because Paul wrote, “A wife must not leave her husband” and, “the husband must not leave his wife”. But Paul added a caveat about the wife, “But if she does leave her husband” with further instructions following. What was going on here, with an apparent conflict, and the advice only applying to the woman, not the man? If we look at the context of this chapter, it started with answering a question about celibacy, about being single, so that the person concerned would not be distracted from spending more time with the Lord, in prayer and service, as Paul was. So, in that context, perhaps some wives in the Corinthian congregation had already left their husbands for this purpose. Perhaps even some husbands were thinking about doing the same. Perhaps either partner was in the process of thinking about it. But Paul was clear because he added the weight of saying, “I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord,” applying to the sanctity of marriage. So Paul endorsed the principle, “Once married, always married”.

Jesus taught about marriage in His Sermon on the Mount, when He said, “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32). There was only one ground for divorce, and that was adultery. But sadly, in our churches today, I suspect divorced people can be found, feeling uncomfortable when these verses are read, remembering the pain and the shame of the time leading up to the final schism, feeling once again the guilt over their contribution to the divorce and the fallout afterwards. They remember the estranged children and a trail of broken relationships as the previously-married couple’s friends took sides. A good friend of mine was a minister in a church near where I live, and some years ago, his wife left him for another man. It took my friend five years to get over the breakup of his marriage and the divorce, although in his case, at least he still has contact with his children. I’m sure we all have in our families at least someone who has a broken marriage somewhere in their past.

Paul’s instructions to the wife who left her husband so that she could spend more time with the Lord were to either remain single or be reconciled to her husband, but it would have been better to have stayed married in the first place. Was it the case in Corinth that the groundswell of opinion was taking them towards a celibate congregation? Have we ever met a situation in the church where a particular teaching has been so powerful that it results in a knee-jerk reaction and behaviour that swings too far in the wrong direction? For example, some years ago, an independent congregation near where I live had a period of teaching that resulted in the congregation wearing black to represent their mourning for the state of the world and the society around them. Harmless enough, I suppose, but it was thought a bit strange at the time. Sometimes particular topics can be over-emphasised, or taken out of context, and used to underpin a particular church’s direction. In the Corinthian congregation, perhaps the tendency was for celibacy to be promoted, and here was Paul trying to introduce balance and the proper perspective before the believers went off the rails completely, destroying marriages in the process. 

We pilgrims are more balanced, we hope. We promote and apply the full counsel of God to our Kingdom lives here on earth, don’t we? How do we do that? By reading and re-reading the Bible. And not just reading it, but studying it. We are blessed today with a whole selection of Bible versions and helps that will enable us to really understand what the Scriptures say. We hear a message from the pulpit and we overlay it on our own understanding of the Word and put to one side anything that doesn’t seem to fit with our understanding of God’s counsel, so that we can explore and study what has been said, and if necessary update our own Christian beliefs. That is one way in which our pastors and teachers disciple their flock. Our preachers often follow a topic or series helpful to believers, and those of us who have been around for many years also benefit from hearing the truths once again. We pilgrims never tire of hearing God’s Word expounded from the front, and that is why we try and never miss a church meeting. Those who do always run the risk that they will miss something that God wants them to hear. 

We worship a wonderful God who wants His children to become more like His Son, Jesus, and we believers here on earth embrace all that He has for us, and we do our best to grow in His grace and love, day by day.

Dear Father God. You have wonderful and helpful truths in Your Word, and we thank You for Your servants who open our eyes through the power of the Holy Spirit working within us. Please help us to hear what You want us to hear so that we can grow to be the children of God that You want us to be. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

Laws of Marriage

Posted on by korgrocker

“Now, dear brothers and sisters—you who are familiar with the law—don’t you know that the law applies only while a person is living? For example, when a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, the laws of marriage no longer apply to her. So while her husband is alive, she would be committing adultery if she married another man. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law and does not commit adultery when she remarries.”
Romans 7:1-3 NLT

I don’t know why Paul used the illustration of marriage to make a point that “the law applies only while a person is living”. And in such a misogynistic way as well. Of course, we could write these verses from a man’s perspective as well, and they would be just as applicable. But we mustn’t be too hard on Paul – that was the culture of his day. His message, though, is a very unpopular one in today’s societies. It’s not just about the failure of a man or a woman to keep and honour their marriage vows. There is also the current societal preoccupation with single sex marriages. Paul used a straightforward example in his letter but I’m sure he never envisaged that it would open a “can of worms” on 21st Century Planet Earth.

To take the problem of marriages demanded between single sex couples, we first have to ask the question – do we believe that the Bible is the inspired and infallible Word of God, or is it a book of writings that can be interpreted and ignored in the light of the society in which we live? My writings in this blog always assume the former position, the infallibility of Scripture, because that is what I passionately believe. If you, my reader, lean towards the latter then what I am about to write might not sit easily with you. Genesis 2:24, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one“. Right in the beginning of Genesis, God states two positions – marriage is a union between a man and a woman, and He also implies that there are only two genders (but that’s for another day in another blog). Jesus referred to this Scripture when He was asked about divorce. We read what He said in Mark 10:6-9, “But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together“. 

In Deuteronomy 24:1-2 we read that divorce was allowed in the Israelite culture of the time – “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man“. Some Pharisees tried to trap Jesus with a question over divorce (perhaps it was just as hot a topic then as it is today), and we read in Matthew 19:7-9, ““Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful””. Jesus’ disciples were appalled by what He said, it seems, responding with, “ … If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”” (Matthew 19:10b). They took what He said very seriously.

So Paul, in his example about the law, stated that a marriage contract between a man and a woman could only be broken by the death of either partner. Then the remaining partner was free to remarry. There is another “can of worms” for our societies today over the marrying of a divorcee, but that too is for another day. Marriage is a legally binding contract in God’s eyes which ideally should not be broken. But we also have to balance this apparently dogmatic position with other Scriptures, such as God’s love and grace. We who are married pray for both our own marriages and for those of our friends and families. The devil is in the business of destroying marriages, as he is for anything that is God-ordained. Forewarned, we keep close to God and in difficult times we pray for more love and grace.

Dear God. You established an order on earth with two genders, who were to be joined together in a holy union. I pray for protection both for my own marriage, but also for the marriages of my friends and family. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Breaking Promises

Posted on by korgrocker

“They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1‬:‭31‬ ‭NLT

Yesterday we looked at the background to Paul’s first attribute in verse 31 – the “refus[al] to understand”. Paul’s second character trait is that wicked people, those who “thought it foolish to acknowledge God”, also “break their promises”. Are these any promises or just those concerning God? The dictionary describes a promise as a declaration assuring that someone will or will not do something. We shouldn’t make promises lightly, but sadly, many do and then break them, if it suits them better. Or promises are made rashly without thinking of the consequences or how they can be implemented. Sometimes people make promises just to get themselves out of a hole, with no intention of fulfilling what they had promised. The days of a word being a bond are long forgotten. But to answer our question, Paul was referring to all promises, not just vows for or to God.

God has made many promises. In fact, the Bible is full of them. Take for example Isaiah 41:10, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”. Or how about Isaiah 43:2, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you“. Here’s a verse from the New testament, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you“. (1 Peter 5:7). The Apostle John wrote in 1 John 5:14-15, “And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.”‭‭ For those of us concerned about our countries, 2 Chronicles 7:14 is a verse worth camping around for a while. “Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land”. 

But we shouldn’t think that God only promises good things. Right back in Genesis 3:17, we see the consequences of Adam’s sin, “And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it”. And ever since, mankind has found life hard. Because of Adam’s sin, human beings in subsequent generations found themselves unable to easily access the plentiful supply of food originally planned by God.

But these are not just divine words, implanted in the Bible to make us feel good. These are promises God has made, and if there is one thing that God is incapable of doing, it is that He is unable to break a promise. If God has said He will do something in His Word, the Bible, then He will keep that word. We need to heed everything God has promised.

But Paul highlights the wicked behaviour of those who make promises and then break them. Why would that be a character trait of “sinful, wicked people” (Romans 1:18). The very cohesion of society relies on people behaving in a way that builds it, not breaks it down. And promises are one of the roots of a secure society. One of the promises that is broken far too readily is the one made in a marriage ceremony. Here in the UK, over four in ten marriages end up in divorce. A tactic of our enemy, the devil, is to break up families because he knows that broken families can contribute to broken societies. Marriage was ordained by God. We receive a glimpse of God’s heart in Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church. In Ephesians 5:31-32 we read, “As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one”. A broken marriage promise strikes at the very heart of God’s plan for His church. But for those despairing in a broken relationship, God’s light and guidance will bring illumination and the right course of action. There is always hope, no matter how hopeless things might appear. God will always bring forgiveness to a penitent sinner.

We pilgrims must be careful in making promises, treating them as being sacrosanct. They are not something we should make lightly. A man or woman who keeps their word oils the wheels that keeps our families and communities together. In many ways we are living in the light of a promise. One day we will be welcomed into God’s presence in Heaven. A promise He made and will never break.

Dear Father God, we worship You and thank You for the loving promises You have made to each one of us. Please help us too, to keep our promises and extend Your promise of Good News to all we meet. In Jesus’ name. Amen.