“That is why I wrote to you as I did, so that when I do come, I won’t be grieved by the very ones who ought to give me the greatest joy. Surely you all know that my joy comes from your being joyful. I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn’t want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you.”
2 Corinthians 2:3-4 NLT
Paul didn’t want to return to Corinth so that he would have to deliver another confrontational message. He wanted to visit them in a way that gave him “the greatest joy”. If they were joyful, then so would he be. But his first letter wasn’t an easy one to write, and Paul referred to “great anguish” and “a troubled heart and many tears” as he wrote it. But he wrote it, not out of a malicious or frivolous motivation but because he loved them greatly.
That’s the thing about love, true agape love. It requires courage and determination to apply to another in a situation that is ultimately in their own best interests. It particularly applies to a parent and a child when the young person is in danger, or has already embarked on a course of action that would lead to destruction of one kind or another if allowed to continue. But there in Corinth, there were some who had decided to behave in ways that were incompatible with their faith, and some form of correction was required. The man sleeping with his stepmother was a situation involving blatant sin, and, for the two people concerned, as well as their friends who must have condoned it, they needed to know what they did was sinful in God’s sight. So rather than ignore it through a misguided application of love, Paul confronted them head-on, pointing out the seriousness of the situation. 1 Corinthians 5:1-2, “I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. I am told that a man in your church is living in sin with his stepmother. You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship”. He continued, “Even though I am not with you in person, I am with you in the Spirit. And as though I were there, I have already passed judgment on this man”. These must have been difficult words to write, but behind them was a feeling on Paul’s part of disappointment that the Corinthian church had come to a point where they had accepted such behaviour. Paul used this situation to expand the scope of what holiness means to a believer. 1 Corinthians 5:11, “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people”. In other words, if there is sin in the church, then deal with it, because otherwise the whole congregation would end up on the slippery slope that ends in hell.
Tough love is a widely used phrase in parenting, but its reach is broader and extends to facets of society both inside and outside the church. What would Jesus think or do? was a phrase widely used in teenager camps, and it is true, because the last thing a believer truly wants is to go against the words and character of Jesus. Tough love started at the point where a person comes to faith in Jesus, and we see the ultimate expression of such love in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”. God Himself, our loving Heavenly Parent, set forth, through Jesus, the reality of the position He is in when dealing with sinful mankind. He set out a choice between two outcomes: eternal life with Him and eternal life without Him. I can remember being told of a situation where a mother, faced with continuing and unacceptable behaviour from her son, had to say in the end that unless he stopped behaving in the way that he was, then she had to assume he didn’t want to be her son anymore and was no longer welcome in her home. Tough love at a human level, but nothing compared to the ultimate choice offered to mankind.
But tough love for a Christian didn’t end in John 3. Jesus said to the church in Laodicea, “I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference” (Revelation 3:19). And the writer of the Hebrews letter wrote, quoting Proverbs, “For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child” (Hebrews 12:6). I suspect all believers, after they have been on their journeys of faith for a while will have experienced God’s discipline in one way or another. To some, it would have been devastating. To others, it would have been ignored. But in the end, discipline, especially from God, is designed to keep a person on the “straight and narrow” path to eternal life.
Back to my 1970’s song with the chorus line, “I’d rather live in his world than without him in mine”. That ultimately, in a spiritual sense, is the desire of us pilgrims. We willingly accept all of God’s discipline because one day we want to live with Him in His world, Heaven itself. There is no better place to be.
Dear Father God. We know we mess up at times, and ask for Your forgiveness. We ask You today to search our hearts, and point out to us the error of our ways. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Being a Pilgrim 