“O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?”
Psalm 13:1-2 NLT
David starts the thirteenth Psalm with a lament concerning the “anguish in [his] soul”. It was almost as though he was outside of himself looking in and sees a condition in his soul that was causing him acute distress. So, in a semi-detached sort of way, he was able to write about his feelings and apportion the cause to God forgetting that he was there. He was in a place of discomfort, unease, stress and anxiety and he asked the question “How long?”. “How long” is this going to continue? Will it continue “forever“? And who was this enemy David was referring to anyway? A physical foe, armed and ready to end his life? Or were there gremlins in his head, causing his distress?
Have any of us pilgrims been in such a place a David was? Where the heavens seem impervious to our prayers? Where everything seems to be falling apart? Where we wake up depressed and tired, dreading the day ahead? And we cry out as David did – where are You God? Are we facing enemies, real or imagined, that always seem to put us down and who we seem unable and powerless to stop?
Such conditions will also cause “anguish in [our] soul[s]”, as they did with David. Daily “sorrow in [our] heart[s]” speak of a continued battle with the causes of depression and anxiety, something which many never seem to overcome. The bottle of pills seems to be the only remedy for many and a drug-induced calm takes over lives. The anguish in our souls is a human condition that threatens to take us down an ever-deepening spiral that dulls our minds and takes away our potential for a spirit-filled life.
There was a prophet called Elijah who had made a stand against the prophets of Baal and won, but he too succumbed to “anguish in [his] soul”. Following threats against his life from Jezebel, the queen at that time, he ran away, as we read in 1 Kings 19:4, “Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died””. After being refreshed with food and drink supplied by an angel, he journeyed to Mount Sinai, where God asked him “What are you doing here Elijah?”. He response in the next verse was, “Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”” (1 Kings 19:10). Was Elijah experiencing “anguish in [his] soul”? God answered with a miraculous demonstration of His power through wind, fire and an earthquake, and then came the “still small voice”.
God is always there for us. He was for David and He still is for us today. Like Elijah, it may take us forty days of journeying in dark places of sorrowful anguish. It may be that we are looking for the miraculous when all we need is that “still small voice”. But however we feel just now, God is right there beside us, reaching out to us through the self-imposed walls that we have hidden behind. We analyse our feelings but draw the wrong conclusions. The enemies we face are powerless before God and He lives within us. 1 John 4:4, “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world”. So today we take down the walls and stride into the day, assured of God’s presence within us through His Spirit.
Dear Father God. By Your Spirit we are overcomers – please help us never to forget that. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Being a Pilgrim 